Blessed are those who trust in the Lord and have made the Lord their hope and confidence. They are like trees planted along the riverbank, with roots that reach deep into the water. Such trees are not bothered by the heat or worried by long months of drought. Their leaves stay green , and they go right on producing delicious fruit.

Dear Lord,

     Good Morning! I feel better than I have in a long time. I don't think I even thought of Eric when I first woke up. GOOD. I want him out of my mind. I'm sorry for my sins. I stole something yesterday, and I ask that you would forgive me for that. Also for anything else I did wrong. I ask that you give me the strength to forgive Eric and to forgive myself. I've really been making myself crazy...scared I ruined your plan and trying to assign blame. I've felt like I'm nuts, because of things he's said to me. As angry as I am...you love him just as much as you love me, and your promises are true for him if he repents. I guess that's a little hard for me to accept...I wish that I could be as loving and forgivng as you...but I have a human heart. Just help me to let go of all this blame. We both made mistakes. Help me to trust he wasn't the person you had planned for me. Show me that, if you can. In reading today, it seems as if everything we go through has a purpose in you...even if it's something bad we did. Help me to believe that's true. God, Michael is wonderful..you know he's done nothing but good in my life, but he said the other night that religion is just a "crutch". I don't want to view you as that. I think you can definitely "assist" me and give me something to lean on....but I don't want that to be all there is. Please show me and help me to have faith that there is TRUTH in you. God, I'm so sorry I've been so angry at you and at everyone. I was just so uncertain about what was going on...I thought everyone, including you, had assisted in taking away Eric...something I thought made me really happy. Then I thought I made him go away. I still have a lot of confusion over the whole situation, but I ask God for clarity or forgetfulness. I would really like to FORGET or not obsess over things that happened. I ask that You would cleanse me from sexual memories as well, and just give me a new kind of purity. God, please send lots of good people and strengths into my life. I WANT FRIENDS, and I WANT TO HAVE FUN!!! I want to know I can have fun without drinking and doing bad things. I want to trust you, God, but I'm scared. I get mad that I fall away so often. I'm sorry. I know that you love me though, and I thank you. I just lay all these things at your feet. Forgiveness for me and others. No bitterness in my heart. Trust. Faith. Clarity.

Thank you for Krissi...she has been such a blessing :) Thank you for my mom...help her not to be disappointed in me and I'm sorry for what I put her through this summer.

God...even in my prayers, the memories come. When I thanked you for Krissi...my mind went to how I met her two years ago and saw her and never knew the influence she'd play in my life...which reminded me of Eric...how I saw him, really liked him, and eventually he came into my life. When he did...it all seemed so fated. I thought it was because you meant for us to be together. Maybe you brought him in for some other reason...just help me to trust you in this. I'm sorry I jumped in head over heels with him without really asking. I guess I just wanted desperately to be loved.

Lord, I pray for my sister. I'm sorry I hurt her. I pray that she can find your peace. I pray for Shakia...and I'm sorry I hurt her too. I pray for Kelley, Lord. Help her with her weight and to be happy. For me...God, heal me from this bulimia. Help me with that. I can't fight it alone. God, I love you so so much...and I thank you for your peace and mercy. Pray for The Ryans. God..help that family as they go through the pains of divorce. Help it not to leave scars on those children and help them to know you. I pray for me, God, that you would somehow help me learn to drive and eventually get a car. It's hard not being able to get around on my own, and it makes me feel inferior and childish. Guide my future, God. You know I really want to be married and have children and be happy. Fight the feelings that I don't deserve that and please send me someone you made just for me. Help him to understand my faults and the things I've done and forgive me just as you have. Send him when I'm ready and let me KNOW without a doubt he is from you. Please keep me from the pains of divorce. Be with me at Christmas...don't let all the memories come back and help me not to feel so alone. I want a family so badly. I love my mom, but sometimes I wish I had more. Still a mom is more than some people have. God, I pray for Eric. Please, Lord, surround him in your love and mercy. Help him to really know you and find peace and happiness in you. Help me not to be jealous or obsess over him and who he marries, etc. Break the bonds that were created in us because of sex. Break any bonds I have with any other sexual partners. Just free me from that. Lord, I don't really want to pray for Eric anymore. I want to get him out of my mind. Know that I send him your blessings, but for awhile...I just can't pray for him.

I just ask all these things, and I thank you for your love. Please provide opportunities for worship. Help me to trust you and to see you working in my life. Thank you for never giving up on me.

In your precious, wonderful, and holy name. Amen.